May 6th, 2003

Dear Thomson Local,

You obviously cannot retain any vestige of clue from year to year. Which part of "I do not have time for you to come round and try to upsell" do you not understand? NO, YOU CANNOT COME ROUND TO MY OFFICE. Just put the bloody paperwork in the post and, if I have any questions, I will call you and I will ask them. Do not sound surprised when my answer to "Don't you want to hear about all the new things we're doing on the Internet?" is "No, not really". We are, you will be aware, an Internet firm; that would be why we have an advertisement in one of the Internet sections of your directory.

And if you try to do what you did last year, when your representative turned up on my doorstep after specifically being told not to do that, I will cheerfully rip the paperwork up in their face, tell them to f**k off, and not advertise with you. Ever again.