May 29th, 2003

Can anyone lend me a virgin?

I am trying to summon up the enthusiasm to do my VAT (US: sales tax) return, which is due by Saturday.

Unfortunately the sun shining in through the window and the fact that it's an unutterably boring job mean that summoning up such enthusiasm is going to take a major-league ritual.

I reckon

  • 1/4 lb white chalk
  • 3 pints blood
  • seven chickens (rubber ones should be okay)
  • a dozen magic mushrooms
  • a couple of copies of the Liber Paginarum Fulvarum
  • several nubile naked folks*
  • one virgin

should do fine. Quotes for the supply of same, by the end of today, invited.

* probably not strictly necessary for the ritual, but a girl's got to have a little fun occasionally