February 12th, 2005


There are few things more guaranteed to lower my mood than going shopping for clothes for myself. I had to venture into Kingston earlier on today to acquire a couple of necessary items; since I was (unusually) by myself on the trip, I thought I might look around a couple of clothes shops to see if there was anything worth buying. It's not necessarily like I _need_ more clothes, but I was in the mood for some retail therapy.

Being of the larger persuasion, my clothes-shopping choices in Kingston (and indeed most other places in the UK -- the US is a lot better) are rather limited. There's Evans, which specialises in "plus-size" (how I hate that phrase) clothes, and there's Elvi, who have a concession within one of the department stores. M&S sometimes have stuff also, but I've been in there fairly recently and didn't spot anything I wanted.

Elvi: most boring clothes on this planet. Would have been acceptable if I were shopping for stuff to wear in a particularly dull office.

Evans: from time to time they have a range where, no matter how hard I look, I can't find a single thing I'd want to wear. (Okay, I tend to be somewhat restrained in my clothing tastes.) This was one of those times. The most interesting thing I spotted was a fairly subdued tie-dye blue shirt on the clearance rack. It was a couple of sizes too big, which is not necessarily a down-check since I like baggy clothes, but it also appeared to have been cut for someone with arms the length of your average orangutan's. This is more of an issue since my arms are of relatively normal length and I spend most of my time at a keyboard, so having an extra foot of material bunched up around my wrists is really not on, even if it is trendy.

Giving up on clothes for visible wear, I did amble round a couple of lingerie departments (not seeing any confused-looking boyfriends attempting to explain to assistants what size their girlfriend was; maybe online shopping has made that a thing of the past). That, too, was fruitless. I rather fancied a nice bra in something other than black or white. Or beige. Is there _anyone_ out there who wears beige underwear unless they're attempting to simulate nudity on-stage without being arrested? (e.g. Adam and Eve in Jerry Springer The Opera).

Completely pointless. Not a damn thing. Lots of nice stuff in a 30F, if you happen to be twig-thin with Barbie-sized tits.


What's it actually like, those of you of a standard/average sort of size, who can be reasonably confident -- if not certain -- of finding something to wear on a shopping expedition?