The computer is fine. The computer is lovely. We installed the drivers for the broadband modem, connected everything up, hit the "Connect" button...
... and nothing happened.
Well, I say "nothing", what I mean is that it tried to connect and complained about no dial tone.
We swapped out ADSL microfilters, cables, other bits of kit, and eventually I spoke to a very nice lady at Eclipse who tested the line and told me that, while BT had activated the line, it wasn't actually correctly syncing for ADSL and she would therefore report it as a fault.
Did I mention that (during the summer months) it's about a three-hour drive either way to my parents?
Did I mention that BT haven't called me back to tell me any progress on the fault yet?
Did I mention that BT are a BUNCH OF F**KING LOSERS WHO WILL BE FIRST AGAINST THE WALL COME THE REVOLUTION?
I am looking forward more than I can possibly convey to the occasion sometime in (hopefully) the next couple of weeks when I get to drive all the way down there again to finish their setup.